For a long time, I thought that “self-pity” was my worst ennemy within. With time, I manage to know when self-pity was at work. I can recognize the feeling of it, the rapage of negative thoughts, the comfort food that it needs. But recently, I discovered that there is a tiny switch, barely noticeable but that is the trigger of “self-pity” and the negative spiral of thoughts. This trigger is “defeat”.
I am a single mother with two nice kids and a sales-job. These kids are happy ones, always polite and helping. I know I am lucky with these two. They are growing up and have their own life full of activities, celebrations, friends, sport tournaments, holidays invitations… Like any other kid of their ages.
When “overwhelm” shows up. That’s ok. I move into auto-pilot, not thinking just doing, making it anyway. But when “defeat” shows up, that’s the end. Defeat appears when an expected deal doesn’t happen, when hard work doesn’t pay off, when I cancel an activity because I can not pay for it, When I book to travel by bus because it is less expensive that the car. When my colleague makes 2 deals this month and I do zero.
… And then comes “self-pity” and the comfort food 🙂